The After Party Info & Rules
General / Etiquette
- Etiquette is about respect and setting expectations. You'll find numerous references on the web about play party etiquette and what you are and aren't supposed to do or say. Below are some general comments about what you should expect and how to show respect for yourself, the group and other players.
- The primary rule is no touching without advance permission. Don't assume that because someone else walks up to someone and hugs, spanks, etc them that you can do the same. Those people probably have some kind of existing relationship or have a negotiated scene in progress.
- The don't touch rule also applies to someone else's furniture, collars, etc. Do not click without permission.
- Clean up after yourself. This means more than just move your toys out of the scene area once you're done. At the end of the scene, remove any rezzed items around and return any moved items back to their original locations.
- At Parties, Discussions, Events and in situations and interactions that are not negotiated scenes, relax, be yourself, be open and friendly; ask questions about the sim, each other, BDSM technique and protocols if you need to make conversation; listen to what others have to say. Bring your sense of humor. BloodShadow is a kink, body, lifestyle, and all-around positive community, we're here to enjoy ourselves and have fun.
- Do not mention anyone at the Parties, Discussions, Events, etc. to those not present without that person's express permission to name him/her/they/them. The "Las Vegas Clause" applies to the entire sim at all times.
- No unauthorized photography! No one is permitted to take photographs of a scene, play, individuals, etc. without the express permission of ALL persons involved. This applies to all areas of the sim and in all situations.
- Commenting
- Hold your comments & questions until after the scene. The scene does not end as soon as the action is over. Most tops will tend to their bottoms through a cool-down period [aka aftercare]. This coming-down process is important and shouldn't be interrupted; [keep in mind there are negotiated dynamics involved in play scenes, including what happens from the beginning of the encounter through after the scene ends]. Novices attempting to start conversations with the top or the bottom during or immediately after scenes is one of the most common errors at play parties. [This can be harmful to those engaged in play scenes.]
- Do not IM individual scene participants during or immediately after a scene. You would not walk up to someone in the middle of play in RL and start talking to them. Yes, that hot person knows how hot they are, if you really feel the need to tell them, tell them later.
- Jealousy, relationship issues, drama, etc. has no place here. If you have an issue leave and deal with it privately. Do NOT start in local or harassing someone in IM during an event.
- Be quiet while scenes are going on, go into IM's with non-participating people or go to the social space to chat! The admiring or joking comment you think the scene participants will not pay attention to can be extremely disruptive, especially considering the dynamics that may be involved in BDSM play. You can unknowingly trigger a damaging adverse reaction or dynamic in play participants. Even if you are quietly whispering or if you type a comment into local to someone thinking the people playing are not paying attention, it will be heard by the bottom or top, whose senses are sometimes hyper-tuned and on edge.
- Do not IM someone without communicating to their partner/play partner. In a RL BDSM club, you would not walk up to someone and start talking to them right in front of their partner/play partner. If you want to play, flirt, etc., don't do it behind someone's back. Start a conference chat, you may be pleasantly surprised to find that someone is more than willing to share their partner with you. You may also find that you need permission to speak to someone in certain types of relationships and going around that is highly disrespectful.
- Interfering
- No pose-ball jumping, no exceptions. This is extremely disruptive and disrespectful to others.
- Don't interrupt a scene. If you don't like what's happening, leave the area. If you think that what's taking place is unsafe, tell a dungeon monitor.
- Do not crowd a scene, keep a respectful distance from what is happening. If the top asks you to move, then move!
- Do not linger at a scene uninvited, this is voyeurism and may not be acceptable to those in the scene.
- Do not join in scenes uninvited, even if it looks like they are free-for-alls. A scene that might look to you like lots of folks are joining in to pleasure or otherwise play with the bottom might in fact be carefully orchestrated by the top and other acceptable players to look casual. Or it might be that the top is subtly signaling audience members [others] s/he knows to be acceptable. Join in only if the top clearly beckons you in. If in doubt, don't join.
- No unauthorized photography! No one is permitted to take photographs of a scene, play, individuals, etc. without the express permission of ALL persons involved. This applies to all areas of the sim.
- Safe word
The sim has Safe word that apply - RED: means STOP/HELP. Saying this will mean you want your partner to stop everything they're doing immediately. It should be used when you're not comfortable, things are getting too much, or you no longer consent. Putting this in local mean other will step in. In an IM to your play partner(s) will stop the scene
- Yellow (or amber): means slow down. Maybe you liked what they were doing but then it became a little too much. Yellow is basically saying "reel it in a little bit". It can also mean you're reaching your limit, or are edging on physical discomfort.
- Green: means go for it. Use green if you like what your partner's doing, you feel totally comfortable, and you want them to continue.
- Understanding BDSM, Swinging, Kinksters & Other Life-Styles
- Consider taking an online BDSM quiz / test to help you understand what kinks you may be interested in, and what kinks you may not be interested in. Even if you know what you like, taking a quiz may be informative and help you define soft limits.
- BDSM test online - https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode
- Consider putting a pick or picks in your profile with information about your preferences, soft and hard limits, specific kinks and protocols relevant to you. If you're uncomfortable putting this information in your profile, consider putting it in a note card to share with others. If you are involved in a relationship that has high/strict protocols, consider getting a titler for events. For example, if you are a slave and someone must get permission to speak with you, or they cannot speak directly with you at all, a titler will help direct them to your Master.
- Respect for Others
- No outing others! If you learn of another person’s kinks, preferences, etc., that information is NOT to be shared with others. Just because someone shares information with you, does not mean that the information is meant to be public. Respect the trust that others put into you.
- No kink shaming! Someone else's preferences are not yours, and yours are not someone else's. Respect that, it's essential to a positive environment for everyone.
- No shaming others! We are all in SL for our own reasons, and SL is an incredible outlet for expression and creativity. Remember, there are people behind the avatars. Respect their choices with their avatars and lifestyles. BloodShadow is an inclusive community and we are here to support each other.
- Make sure you get to know play partners! Remember we are all individuals with different needs, wants, opinions, beliefs, perspectives, triggers, motivators, personalities.